Hello Yellow Diarists:
I leave this Yellow ‘Post it’ on our Communal Corkboard to let you know I’m travelling out of Toronto to Vermont for a retreat which will be led by my friend Laura Simms. This is my week off chemo and I’m running for the hills. Laura is an entrancing professional story teller and humanitarian and has the eyes of a Devi. I will blog from Vermont. I have drafts.
Now I only have time for a short espresso blog. Ristretto?
I’m off steroids and I need to sleep. I forgot that’s what the night is for.
Just returned from my friend Joshua Bell’s concert in Toronto tonight feeling many things at once. Spilled veins. Heart tips. Tiny wings alive on the surface. Music opens the door of feeling in me. I used to spend hours listening to Wong Kar Wai soundtracks. There’s a line in ‘In the Mood for Love’: ‘at least she was always the heroine of her story’. Yup, that was me.
Then came Goldfrapp.
Tonight was surrender to a violin. If you have seen one of Joshua’s concerts you will know what I mean. If not, see him perform. I will not try to explain. I am overjoyed we have this in the world: art, music, FOOD, transcendence of words, time, logic…
Spent a long day on pause in the hospital. Next time I’ll bring my scrabble board or begin a spontaneous game of Bingo in the waiting room. After Noni left, Dad and I shared the same hunting magazine, ‘Ontario Out of Doors’, circa 2006. I learned a lot about cross bows. I’m not complaining just trying to inject some yellow into the pauses.
Dr Galal handed me my latest reports with that gleam in his eye.
Almost FULL REMISSION.
We’re not in the FR Club yet, but I’m filling out all the preliminary forms.
Then I went up to the 18th floor to get my eyes checked. My left eye was swollen as a baby slug when I woke the day after the ‘Stella’ premiere. Turned out to be a sty. My immunity is low, so the infection has travelled to my other eye now. Seema has dinner with me before leaving for Sudbury and then India one evening and tells me to wash my eye with warm water and salt. She has seen technicians on film sets in India do this. And then go back to squatting with lights in precarious places. I think I can be all enigmatic and wear shades until my eye clears up and I grow a hump on my back to replace this latest alteration to my appearance.
We have a public screening for ‘Cooking With Stella’ on the 18th of September. I arrive in Paris Hilton sized sunglasses and yellow sneakers. I feel strange. I already feel like I’m having an out of body experience most of the time due to the medication I’m on which is plucking at my nerves. But now I’m dressing the part.
Deepa will rescue me. I unveil my eyes before we go into the theatre for the question and answer session.
‘I’ve got an eye infection. Shall I wear my reading glasses?’
‘Put your shades back on.’
Dilip dedicated the public screening to me. I am butter. With Canola oil. The Spreadable kind. I am without words in front of this onslaught of support and love. I”m already inept in social situations. I think it best I remain mute.
but don’t block the exit.
Can there be a thing as too much love? I think not! Unless it prevents you from learning to tie your own laces.
I want to thank the crew at ‘Psych’ for the laughs and for helping me Stay Encouraged.
Michelle Krall Wigmore and Sindi Hawkins for their gladiator spirits and guidance.
Don Mackellar for sharing the rickshaw. Thanks for the lift- in every way.
Dilip, Deepa, David for that family feeling. And teaching me to fight for what feels right.
Garden Sarees and Shilpa Shah for establishing a supportive connection that transcends fads and fashions.
Tina and Noni: for always prospecting with me for lightness.
And Yellow Diarists everywhere. You move marrow and help me prospect my inside.
Before leaving tomorrow morning and before my next post, there’s this;
I’m doing the 5K walk for Princess Margaret on October 18th. Shane Saunderson (http://www.prairiepedal.com) cycled 3500 km across Canada to raise $35,000 for Myeloma research. Together we are Team Myeloma. I’m thinking I gotta whip it. If Shane can do this and Bobcat can cycle 800 km in 4 days for Cancer, well, a 5k walk in Toronto is just a warm up.
I am already grateful for your support and would be grateful for your sponsorship.
So this is my warm up 5K for Princess Margaret and Myeloma. I know this isn’t the best of times to hit you up but whatever you can contribute is appreciated: including goodwill. No gauge on a webpage for that but we feel it. Contribute and get a free blog. Ha!
More research translates into more options in treatment which translates into a longer lifespan for members of the Multiple Myeloma Club. And then chances are increased we can find a cure in this lifetime.
Here’s the links:
Personal Donation Page:
Team Myeloma Canada:
Thank you. For the tender space and glueing with me for a while. Thanks for walking with me.
This is from Susan Sontag’s ’Illness as Metaphor’. Mind tickle;
‘Illness is the night-side of life, a more onerous citizenship. Everyone who is born holds a dual citizenship, in the kingdom of the well and in the kingdom of the sick. Although we all prefer to use only the good passport, sooner or later each of us is obliged, at least for a spell, to identify ourselves as citizens of that other place.’
Next post: Beluga whales and deer that pinch. And insurance. Buh.