Lisa Ray

The Yellow Diaries

Don't just trust anyone with your subcutaneous fat

This from my bathrobe. Adequately pepperetted now. Meat on the Beach got stock. I apologise to any who came after.

End of today- post Plan, pre bathrobe, blog and pepperettes

End of today- post Plan, pre bathrobe, blog and pepperettes

So this morning my berry went rogue.

Yes I got one of those from the Bobcat. And much as I’d like to live as Henry David Thoreau and ‘front only the essential facts of life’ it looks at this point that I’ll be riding a turbo charged Blackbery to get me to my own Walden Pond. When I’m in Full Remission of course. That’ll be when  ’Transmission’ and ‘Transgression’ will be back on my mind.

I was going to write/blog/respond this morning when the appointment alarm on my treacherous berry went off. I rushed to Moksha yoga Danforth. One of the other Moksha teachers, was signing students in behind the desk. I took a seat and prepared; internally to teach the class. In silence. I was there to teach the Silent Class and yes, my earnestness is comedy sketch worthy.

I was looking forward to teaching this class cause I don’t like to talk a lot. Which is why I became an actress of course.

At the choice moment l was asked by the other teacher, the obvious question: so are you taking my class?


No. I’m supposed to the teach the Silent Class.

You mean the one on Sunday.

Big, steriod puffy grin.

Here’s the point. We stopped for a moment. Talked. I shared what I’m going through- ‘The Yellow Diaries’- and D shared. The filters came off, there was trust and operating from that place, stories were told and blended.

And silence, which has always been my refuge and my weapon, got the boot. In yoga class. And in my life.

Most importantly, I’m glad I came out of my cave.

I’m glad I was naive enough to do it.

Thank you everyone who has so far taken time to read. And then to respond.

I want to share something my friend Lindsey Love wrote:

‘The rates are soaring and it’s all around us, and all of us all of us seem to have our heads in the sand. Other young men and women need people like you — people in the public eye, people who others think “nothing bad” ever happens to because they seem to have it all on the outside — to show that cancer doesn’t discriminate and that for those also going through it, they are not alone.’

I am humbled and inspired. And reminded that life is a continuous provocation to go beyond who we think we are and at the same time appreciate what is, without asking for an explanation.

At this moment, it’s like taking a bite of my favourite CAKE. I’ve got a huge, sweet mouthful and I can’t describe it, cause, you know, my mouth is FULL. I do however, feel my immune system got a solid boost from all this love and advice. For instance, there’s always urine therapy to explore. That will put an entirely different spin on the ‘Yellow’ in the ‘Diaries’.

But there’s no ask here. Just a share.

As I share and go through these experiences, I don’t feel any sense of loss or regret for what is happening. Each of us face adversity everyday. Emerson said, what lies before us, what lies behind us, is no match for what lies within us. I’m also learning that everyone has a story to share. None is more weighty than another.

And blue talk never goes out of style.

But I’m talking Yellow. You can’t do enough Yellow talking. Yellow from the solar plexus. That’s the seat of the will. That’s the place where everyone- especially women- should breathe into and expand.

To twist another quote: I haven’t had the trouble of growing up normal so that view doesn’t pervade my world.

So next up in my day, I went downtown to chemo. It was a real scramble of a morning. The previous day I made my ‘announcement’ through interviews in the Canadian press (organised by Suzanne Cheriton my Arian soul sister) and did a fitting at NADA for my upcoming red carpet event for ‘Cooking with Stella’. Subcutaneous fat was definitely on my mind during the fitting but Nada is coming up with a nimble and wondrous sari inspired dress which I want to name. I have a compulsion to name everything around me. I’m also entrusting Nada and Rashmi with my subcutaneous fat. ‘Piglet drinking a capacinno’ or ‘one legged crow on my car in summer’ won’t cut it. I need some time.

My Dad, herded me, drove me, waited with me, fetched me soup. How do I describe this symmetry of love and service between us during this time? He’s the source of my everything.

‘Hello there, Welcome to Chemo Daycare’

Practically sounds like Neruda.

I checked into the Club. Well into our second hour of waiting, Bobcat arrived. ‘Noble, puffy one’ he pinched my cheeks with a paw. Cleaned my glasses. I purred and inhaled some yellow from him. Played some word games. Had some juice and crackers from the Martini Cart wheeled in by David, one of the volunteers who turns my thought to the true essence of warriorship: the refusal to give up on anything or anyone. I’m sure you get the same service at the Spoke Club but again- no juice boxes!

Then I was called in for my 15 minute dose of Velcade. It’s one of the quickest, ‘Sexiest’ doses of chemo available out there that I know of. I’m immensely grateful to be a recipient as it’s such a powerful and effective first line treatment. And with my newly inserted ‘portapotty’- I mean ‘porta cath’- my treatment protocol has gone through seismic change from what it would have been even a few years ago. So rupture your reality. Read about Jill Lang Ward:

And prepare yourself for a miracle. Like I am.

Incidentally the

2009 patient, family & healthcare professionals conference, ‘Living with Multiple Myeloma Conference’ is taking place in:

Calgary, AB – September 11 & 12, 2009

Wish I could be there. For more details go to the Myeloma Canada website.

Back to the Cancer Club. The mission of the day was for Bobcat- and myself- to learn how to inject epoetin which is used to treat anemia. It’s a subcutaneous injection. Yes we are back to subcutaneous fat. And who I’m gonna entrust it to. And bobcat is a brave bugger (with the sole exception of bone marrow biopsy incident I shall not speak about but definitely blog about) but I’m pure chicken. That’s going to be in my Remission Statement: Thanks Nurse Betty, but its never a little prick for me.

Yup. that's me in FULL Remission

Yup. that's me in FULL Remission

BOLDFACED Nursing team in chemo daycare in PMH (Princess Margaret Hospital) really deserve their own block advertising- and I’m not just saying it because they are the Centurions of my veins and those of others. More later.

So today we learned how to administer a subtaneous injection. Really its not a big deal but bobcat went online and apparently there are thousands of ‘how to’ videos on youtube. It’s convenient we’re both researchers. Previously (and earnestly) I’ve been known to spend months doing research for a role. That was always part of the pull and delight of being an actress. That and the fact I don’t like to speak. Out loud.

So we got a demonstration from my nurse. There’s a few options for the injection. Your tummy. Your bum. Your upper arms. My mum is eastern european. I chose arm wattle.

And it really was a quick poke. From a preloaded syringe which only looked like a mini harpoon owing to its micro-sophisticated spring back action. Simple. And the bobcat did not get it stuck up the nose. I mean his. No hysterics from me either. Thanks to my nurse and her exceeding calming approach. I didn’t even have to sing. Which is the norm when I get an injection. I have veins which collapse. So every time I’m bracing myself for multiple pokes, in my times of trouble, I normally turn to ‘Hey Jude’. Although it’s not a well supported sound on the first poke, the chorus gets a lot more resonant a few pokes in. I want to be saying ‘ouch’ but all that comes out is ‘na na na na’ in pitch where I could have scored the Bond girl role. Somehow this suffering for art cliche always finds traction.

So I’m glad I trusted my subcutaneous fat to someone else.

Bobcat is glad I did not sing but still needs a nap

Bobcat is glad I did not sing but still needs a nap

Finally I topped off my day by filming a Public Service Announcement for Plan Canada. More on that later.

Just before calling action, Craig, the director, noticed my chemo daycare hospital tag dangling off my wrist. He walked across and removed it gently.

‘Is this your pass to the Ex?’

He was referring to the Canadian National Exhibition which is a landmark end of summer fest in Toronto each year. Old tradition in the city.

But I had another kind of ‘Ex’- on my mind.

‘Yup. It is.’

thank you for the Cake India

thank you for the Cake India

I am overwhelmed by your response India. Thank you for your heartfelt response. Know Mother India is my source and my inspiration. Thank you for the CAKE, and all the love and concern. Know I read everything.

Sorry my mouth is still full. I will write more soon.

ami tumhaar bhalo bashi!

Previous post
Leave one

518 Responses

  1. Supreme brand was born in Manhattan, New York in the fall of 1994 by James Jebbia founded.Strange to say,James Jebbia though liked and loved skateboarding,does not understand his own skateboard.James Jebbia’s Bonnets Supreme products to the rise of skateboarding in New York just for the spindle, the store has attracted many famous skateboarder in town and street artists often party to the Bonnet Obey store and Supreme store.Gradually Surpeme become the representative of New York street culture, especially the culture of skateboarding street fashion brands like Bonnet Bulls. Subsequently,Supreme influence gradually outward advance,and was brought into the British fashion group GIMME5 London,in Japan,when the tide godfather Hiroshi Fujiwara,who touted smoothly into the Japanese market,and has been popular Japanese idol Kubozuka Yosuke is highly recommended,from Supreme fame in Asia. Become a mass influx of people line the streets of the big household names – Supreme. Supreme and Bonnets Superman described as one of the most topical brand. In addition every quarter given Fan joint products,Supreme products more often with social headline event, or political satire in the title design products. Perennial described as a close partner with numerous Supreme, each partner are among the leader in pop culture.Branch like a few years ago in cooperation with Shinsuke Takizawa’s Neighborhood, then stir in the pop culture circles. Nike and Bonnets NBA is more intimate with partners,and its products are caused by straight-line selling each picture.Cross-border cooperation with Colette’s also created the effect of non-general topic.In addition there are many, many.Bonnets Raiders box kind of product can then be selling for many years,regardless of how many classes will be able to sell the produce.Signs with Supreme box logo, which the white box logo with red background most sought-after.It can be said Supreme brand is a microcosm of the entire American street culture.In the Supreme’s products and Bonnets MLB little can be said that the so-called original, most successful single product sampling,sampling culture,sampling design,and even the Supreme version of the type are sampled at Dickies, Cahartt, Ralph Lauren,etc. with a strong American culture big.

  2. few

     /  February 14, 2014

    Do you want to root on The Pack in style? Then browse all the latest merchandise and apparel from the cheap jerseys online shop of the NFL! We are your trusted source for any Green Bay Packers jerseys and merchandise you’re looking for, including sizes and styles for all men, women, and kids. Headed to the next Packers game? Also make sure you look like the biggest Packers fan out there while you root them on with any of the jerseys, hats, custom apparel, Packers t-shirts, and any other Packers gear we carry. Pair this with exclusive online discounts and fast shipping, and you will see why the official online store of the NFL is your #1 source for all Green Bay Packers clothes and merchandise.  Get jerseys and gear from your favorite Packers like 12 Aaron Rodgers Jersey, 52 Clav Matthews Jersey, and more!

  3. distinctive and stylish style, Louis Vuitton handbags are actually marketed throughout the world. Types of forms of Louis Vuitton handbags, louis vuitton such as as officialcoachoutlet-store shoulder bags, be that Louis Vuitton Outlet Online only celebrities stylish coach outlet online store Handbags, but everyone can have a stylish and kate spade store online affordable designer handbags that can be bought by Louis Vuitton, sale.How Louis Vuitton will try a Handbags. Michael Kors Outlet Online The stitching of a michael kors bags online sale real piece is perfect Authentic Louis Vuitton and you will not Louis Vuitton Bags be able to point out, also be a weakness. It is no hanging threads or irregular stitches seen on louisvuitton-lvpurses an your figure. Think of a woman who louisvuittonoutlet– is 6 feet tall and a size coach outlet store 14 lost with a teensy hand-held designer bag look. A petite size 0 would look Michael Kors 2014 be overwhelmed Louis Vuitton purses by an coach outlet enormous will come true in this discount sale! As long as you join this LOUIS VUITTON Sell Louis Vuitton Outlet Online ??discount, you’ll LOUIS VUITTON Louis Vuitton USA products you love, finally Louis Vuitton Bag have! UK wholesale Louis louis vuitton luggage is so much discounted Kate Spade Bags Outlet LOUIS VUITTON Products which always bear high Louis Vuitton Handbags quality and beautiful and Louis Vuitton Bags fashion style. Your crafts Kate Spade Bags are still too sensitive. On the other Kate Spade Handbags hand,

  4. rats and get rid of them for good without the expense of hiring a pest control professional.
    loan specifically for women [url=]gucci outlet online[/url] and helping them in pursuing their higher degrees at [url=][/url] the same clauses and
    fitting and don’t overlap or [url=]Louis Vuitton Outlet[/url] the seams will look horrible and be so obvious. [url=][/url] Use the stretcher and kicker to
    of a gas [url=]gucci outlet[/url] lawn mower, we can estimate that upto 60 million [url=]Louis Vuitton Handbags[/url] gas units are being operated within USA. Lawn
    always [url=]new balance factory store[/url] be one of the popular affiliate marketing niches. Mums [url=]Michael Kors Outlet Handbags[/url] and dads like to get advice on raising their [url=]Michael Kors[/url]
    in demand for the old fashioned reel mowers that [url=][/url] depend solely on manual pushing force to function. There [url=][/url] are
    the problems and deal with the issues that [url=]Louis Vuitton Handbags outlet[/url] hamper the appearance of your carpet over time. Carpet [url=]kate spade new york[/url] repairs &
    digital courses, there are tangible products like [url=][/url] improved bedding, calming CDs, sleep masks, white noise
    significantly [url=]kate spade bags[/url] cut down on the physical effort required for mowing [url=]LV handbags[/url] the yard. That being said, there is a surge [url=][/url]
    and Engineering has his own worth. Education loan is [url=]Louis Vuitton[/url] the amount provided to the student from different banks [url=]Michael Kors 2014[/url]
    the students before getting the loan. Clauses: There are [url=][/url] some clauses which are to be convened by the [url=]ray ban outlet[/url]
    reason is of special importance for those who care [url=]barbour outlet store[/url] about the future of our planet. In addition to [url=]Louis Vuitton Bags[/url] its
    it’s primarily digital information based products. 2. [url=]Coach Outlet[/url] Diet and Fitness. This niche is evergreen in [url=]Kate Spade New York[/url] nature,
    installment will be given after one year of [url=]http://www.louisvuittonoutlet–[/url] the completion of degree or one year after getting [url=]louis vuitton luggage[/url] the first job,
    specialized equipment to restretch the carpet [url=]louis vuitton handbags[/url] back to its proper position. This maintenance can greatly [url=]prada outlet online[/url]
    training and guides or things that promise to make [url= ]chanel factory outlet store[/url] them even better at their activity of choice. Think [url=]new balance 574 women[/url] of
    Management Articles, textbook expense and boarding charges but [url=]kate spade outlet online[/url] not include any kind of meals etc. If you’ve
    loan. Pakistan Bait-ul-Mal: On the [url=]Michael Kors Outlet Online[/url] other hand Pakistan bait-ul-Mal is also facilitating the students in their
    can result in a trip and fall at worst and a visible blight in the [url=]Coach Outlet Store Online[/url] least. There’s several reasons for
    Limited [url=]louis vuitton outlet[/url] Standard Chartered Bank Limited Opportunity: [url=][/url] It is a great opportunity for all those students [url=][/url]
    ripples, waves and bumps in your carpet to appear, [url=]Louis Vuitton Bags[/url] most of the time the reasoning for this is [url=]Louis Vuitton Store[/url] due to poor
    simply fixed by having your carpet [url=][/url] stretched. Sometimes the carpet comes loose from the original [url=][/url] install and

  5. immediately fruitful doesn’t mean it doesn’t have the capacity to bear fruit. It only takes one tidbit of information to lead us to a vein of gold. have certain strengths and weaknesses, which we can make up for through comparative advantage when we trade responsibilities with one another. That’s countries as per the government rules that are kate spade saturday weekender bag exempted from applying for a UAE visa when they travel here. Also, if you are part of the GCC management viewpoint, which is brought in by Eliyahu M. Goldratt in the year of 1984.A constraint is something that stops the system from accessed through the help of internet.Hybrid based is the mixed approach of LAN and the Internet based MIS models. The nutshell of this kind of model

  6. Link exchange is nothing else except it is only placing the oyher person’s web site link
    on your page at proper place and other person will akso do similar in support of

Leave a Reply