I wish me a long remission…

And now for a public service announcement:

Let’s make Myeloma Matter…

And a cancer carol…

I wish you a long re-mission, I wish you a long re-mission…

I wish ME a long re-mission

And a Happy, New Life.

I got trained in ‘key messaging’ before filming a PSA for Myeloma Canada on Thursday. As in: what do I want people to hear?

Or as Kissinger put it:

Do you have any questions for my answers?

Why am I here?

To Make Myeloma Matter…

Why?

Because I have to remember…its not over yet. Because autumn frost follows the abundance of summer. Because the Jacaranda flowers unblossom and carpet the ground before I can commit them to memory.

Because everything changes. From worse to better. Better to…

Relapse?

While I worked to find the right tone for the 30 second spot, the Benny Hill theme ran through my head: Yakety Sax. Sandra, my makeup girl had played me a youtube snippet with the insidious tune in the green room and the damn music got lodged in my cranium.

Yakety Sax. Look it up.

Incongruous? Maybe. But not entirely inappropriate for the message I was trying to deliver.

Make Myeloma Matter. Quickly please!

John, one of the co-founders of Myeloma Canada, sat behind the monitor. Occassionally he leaned over to the director to offer an opinion on one of the takes. I didn’t speak to him until we took a break and he walked up to me to share his story.

I want you to know I’m a 12 year survivor.

And after I was first diagnosed, there weren’t many of us around.

He meant survivors. Of 10 years or more.

Whoa.

I feel so good now, it’s like it never happened. But that doesn’t mean it never happened.

I have to remember. Because right now, I simply feel like it never happened. I’ve been back to the business of living. Schedules and opportunities. Fielding phone calls and making plans. Stepping out, wearing snugly cut clothes. Posing for the camera…again.

Finding love…

Falling in love…

Yes, I have fallen in love with a man who understands. And who inspires me to be better and to make it all matter…

And he’s the list.

More on the ‘Raja’ later.

Not two months ago, I bought a home in Nelson and planned my retirement.

Now here’s what I’ve been up to

At the beginning of September I flew out to Mumbai to inaugurate the Fortis Cancer Institute, a one stop, comprehensive care facility. Cultural observers will be happy to note that the C- word unanimously inspires dread across the world.

Malvinder and Shivinder Singh, the driving forces behind the Fortis Group of Hospitals are inspired to overhaul the approach towards Cancer Care in India.

Oh yeah.

We also announced the Lisa Ray Fortis, Spirit of Life Award for Cancer Conquerors

Hopefully much more on that later…

I’m pleased to report the fashion commentary on my appearance at this event was mostly positive. Except for my shoes it seems my outfit passed muster.

Incongruous…yes

Making Myeloma sexy? Trying…

Celebrating my ‘graduation’

My Raja, the man who cradles my heart with tenderness and an undeniable sense of belonging, introduced me to this idea…

We are graduates, he tells me. Graduates of the Cancer programme…

And yes. He’s a graduate too.

While I was in India I shot for Elle Magazine with my friend Farrokh, iconic Indian photographer, who has never met a dwarf he doesn’t like and who has a passion for aviation, though he doesn’t like to leave the ground. Farrokh and I have known each other for twenty plus years, and when I was in India weeks after my stem cell, he inadvertently became my primary care giver and wrangler. One day he escorted me from Jaslok hospital, bandaged and step-tripping after an operation to excise the nasty crop of cysts on my eyelids known as chalazion which were another fallout from chemo and soon afterwards, he took pictures. Restored to sight, and he recorded the moment. A gesture which was both compassionate and enpowering for me.

So its only fitting that the images he captured of me in early September will make the cover of the magazine. I am proud of the images. Are they about Cancer? No. They are about celebrating my graduation.

Thank you Nonita for lobbying to put images of an almost 40 year old graduate on the cover of a beauty magazine.

And…

I will be speaking at an Evening Celebrating Science for the McEwan Centre for Regenerative Medicine on September 23rd in Toronto.

Basically, taking stem cell talk out of the lab, onto the streets.

Taking the miracle, the promise out on the streets.

Why?

Without stem cell research, I would not be here.

And if you saw what I did, in the labs, through the microscope, you’d feel like using both hands to scoop those secrets out into the world

I’m just saying…

So I’m feeling fine. I’m drug free, out of choice and because there’s no conclusive compelling evidence to prove that remaining on ‘maintenance therapy’ will prolong my remission.

I’ll do that on my own.

Well, not entirely on my own.

With my Raja.

And you.

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9,677 Responses

  1. Indigo'flow

     /  October 11, 2010

    Hi Verde, 
    Sorry I didn’t know it was Columbus Day, I’m English and know very little of USA history…
    I was at the gym burning off that bloody cream cake….

    By persona I mean the perceived image we have of peoples personality.  Because we all  perceive the world differently how we see others is not the true person.  Colour prejudice really has nothing to do with with a persons colour, or of their personality, it’s a mirror image of the inner-self. If someone shows prejudice of any kind they are reflecting out that they have no compassion, love or acceptance because they have never been show any. They are projecting their own suffering.  The way to counteract that is by showing them love, forgiveness, acceptance… It’s none of our business what others think of us,  love them anyway. 

  2. Verde

     /  October 11, 2010

    Indigo’flow…was the bloody cream cake worth it? Just tell your ego, “NO! next time.” Oooh baby, the flesh is weak…honey, let me confess: I had Hershey bars w/almonds over the wkend…buy 2 get 2 free…(i might have pissed off a cell or 2) because of the abundance of food and ego, annnnd marketing…we are a Gordo Nation. Please send all hate mail to: IDC, PO Box IDC, Care Nowhere 77777 (just kidding:^)

    I agree, the Golden Rule for ALL religions, treat others as you would like to be treated. (karma) When on is able to love an enemy, one is demonstrating the highest form of love, Agape.

    P.S. I have been detoxing since yesterday…treating my body like a temple and exercising a humble soul.

  3. Verde

     /  October 11, 2010

    Worldwide business is made up of 2 things: convenience and entertainment.

  4. Verde

     /  October 11, 2010

    I was trying to figure out why I said the above…not that I don’t take full responsibility for buying and eating the chocolate (cheap chocolate at that)…it was staring @ me in the long line at the checkout…another kind of ‘product placement.’
    (convenient location…subliminal seduction)

  5. d2

     /  October 11, 2010

    Hey-ya Indigo’flow:

    Wow! Your Einstein breakdown…I am very impressed. I am a huge Einstein fan. He had a heart as massive as his mind. While he was a professor at Princeton U., Marian Anderson, iconic black american opera singer (contralto), was invited to sing at Princeton and because of her race, she could not even stay on campus. \Who opened his apt/home to her?\ My Einstein. He also did not appreciate the application of his theories, which were used for destruction.

    Back to work tomorrow….will respond in more detail to your Einstein synopsis soon. Well you have my attention…now I’m intrigued.

  6. d2

     /  October 11, 2010

    fyi…slashes should be quotation marks…sorry about that…I goofed on the ReCAPTCHA…oops!

  7. Verde

     /  October 12, 2010

    Indigo’flow: “no cake, but a slice of fruit…” that would look great on a tee…could be interpreted as a double-entendre. I can see it webbed on a shop’s wall in the French Quarter on Bourbon Street.

    Well I want to go back, please bear with me, you wrote:
    “By persona, I mean the perceived image we have of people’s personality.”

    For me it’s all about a person(s) Energy. I don’t do much with perception as far as my assessment of people. I go on a ‘natural’ feeling…UN-consciously conscience. I retrieve from my inner place; I allow my energy to access that of another. Abstraction and trust make it possible. That seems to be a solid force for me when I’m connecting. A select few enter that realm because people are masked in our society and sometimes an interior wall disallows the forces. And sure, a person(s) whose qualities I may see in myself is curious, but the deal breaker: a pure heart is mandatory. The door isn’t even unlocked until I get that confirmation. And of course, a couple of tainted spirits slip under the door from time to time, because the ego (darkness) sometimes will overpower my light blinding me, but want be there for long. Some of my closest friends are not in my life because we have a lot in common…it is because of their nucleus and an enormous amount of admiration. Our souls are harmonious. In addition, the only kind of love I’m comfortable with is unconditional…friend, family, foe, humanity, etc., etc.

  8. Verde

     /  October 12, 2010

    you ever have a song playing in your head and the person next to you starts singing the lyrics to that song…isn’t that wild and magical…

  9. Indigo'flow

     /  October 13, 2010

    Verde, 
    By perception I mean, to be aware of, rather than an assumption… When you say,…… 

    a \person(s) Energy. I don’t do much with perception as far as my assessment of people. I go on a ‘natural’ feeling…UN-consciously conscience\ 

    I think you have to be aware of something consciously or you can’t be aware of it at all.  It wouldn’t exists  until you became conscious of it. For us to have  feelings (intuition), thought, actions, senses we have to be aware of them…. But it’s where that perception (awareness) comes from…
    from ego or inner being?….
    To work with energy, but not aware of it consciously may be something in Psychology called cold reading. A trait we’re  born with, as children some of us use it and develop it.. While other children don’t. But can learn it in later life.  Cold reading is assessing a situation, person, through body language, how they talk and the words they choose to use, facial expressions.. Everyone has these subtle traits which are made on a subconscious level, that can be read by another whether they are aware of it or not…. 
    ps all said n mean in a unconditional  loving way xxx

  10. Indigo'flow

     /  October 13, 2010

    Verde
    ps feel free to use where ever you choose….
     ”no cake, but a slice of fruit…”
    If you make a bob or two, good for you

  11. Verde

     /  October 13, 2010

    Indigo’flow, how was your day?

    Oct. 10th, you wrote: “Time is relative, no one is in real time, there is a delay of 8 minutes 19 seconds when we see the sunlight, and our brain knows 6 seconds before we do.”

    Thus, ’something’ can be real before we are conscious of it.

    And let me say, science is limited and is also, baffled by the Holy Spirit, if you will. Although I believe man is God manifested, we don’t have ALL the answers. Life in itself is an unexplained phenomenon. I choose to trust in a higher force and no, I am not always conscious of those forces. I don’t need a textbook or a physicist to tell me what I believe and have faith in.

    Thank you for the xxx…no worries, we’re having an intellectual discussion and although I have my own, I respect your opinon. You have my attention.

  12. Indigo'flow

     /  October 13, 2010

    Hi Verde, 
    I’ve had a superb day thank you, how was yours?
    ooooww those colours you’re wearing really bring out your eyes… Here sit down, and let me give you a foot massage.. Cup of tea? 

    I meant  no offense, I was really referring to myself when stating cold reading. I have always had strong intuition, feeling people(s) energy, always knew who to trust, who not to, how a situation would go etc…. I didn’t really know how I did it until I heard of NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming).  Then it made sense…. I was unaware I was reading their subconscious cues…

    something can be real before we are conscious of it, yes but i think you have to be conscious of it to know it’s there… Like me…. You didn’t know I existed till we made a connection here, but I’ve existed  38 years, 39 next month… See what you’ve been missing out on all this time? I’m really quite shy, I’m English, we open up to no one…

    I would love to have some intellectual spiritual banter with you, but do you think it appropriate here? I’m not sure if this is what this blog is for, is it?

    There are 3 universal forces that apply to everything, inwardly and outwardly… 

    Psychology/Psyche,  Physics/science,  spirituality/Religion

    Energy, matter, conscious.

    Thought, feeling, action/intuition

    All together, all agree…

  13. Suri

     /  October 13, 2010

    Hi Lisa,
    Hope you are doing well. I am a big fan and Canadian too!
    Since the last 3 days I have been going thru all your interviews at the stage when you had cancer. You are truly beautiful and more so now.

    I read all the blogs your fans and friends have left for you and thought what can I say different and I came up with this.

    If after Cancer a women can look so beautiful as you are looking then every women should have cancer.

    Love
    Suri
    Toronto

  14. amina

     /  October 14, 2010

    please write more. i miss you.
    very excited about your book.
    much love.
    amina

  15. Verde

     /  October 14, 2010

    indigo’flow i was not offended…
    and this is not the forum for debate
    or talk of foot massages…

  16. Indigo'flow

     /  October 15, 2010

    Verde,
    I totally agree.

  17. Verde

     /  October 15, 2010

    you’re sweet; thank you. have a wonderful wkend.

  18. Indigo'flow

     /  October 15, 2010

    @d2,
    Very interested in your Einstein knowledge, please share…  

  19. d2

     /  October 15, 2010

    gotta go earn a living…will do over wkend…

  20. d2

     /  October 16, 2010

    Hi Indigo’flow>>>

    I was thinking and reading your comments and you seem to have a lot of the answers; a seemingly state of heightened enlightenment…I probably can’t bring you anything new about Einstein’s theories, etc.

  21. d2

     /  October 16, 2010

    And might I add, that is an admirable quality.

  22. Verde

     /  October 17, 2010

    For Indigo’flow:

    I had a revelation. I believe I have what you have. Maybe I’m going to call it a ‘6th sense.’ After processing your Oct.13th comment about strong intuitive sensing, Friday I was working with a 5-yr old kindergartener with autism, who is infamous for his afternoon meltdowns. Well I had the pleasure to be his afternoon assistant for his specials, P.E. and Art. When I sensed an oncoming mood swing, I tapped into his subconscious mind and brought those stored thoughts to his state of consciousness. It worked. He, a Batman fan, putting it mildly, I spoke to him as if I “knew” Batman. I did not want to personify the character because he sometimes believes he is Batman. That may have caused a disturbance. It worked…he had a peaceful afternoon.

    Now you brought something to the forefront of my mind, not that I wasn’t aware of my ability to read people, if you will, now my perception is intensified…hey, you might be on to something…thank you for the insight.

    P.S. I believe d2 is a little intimidated by your analysis of Einstein’s acuity of ‘time,’ etc.

  23. Indigo'flow

     /  October 17, 2010

     d2
    Thank you for your kind words,
    I really don’t have any answers, just my own spiritual path.  Just as no one has the same perception and every world  perceived uniquely, so applies to every individuals life path.  Every ones perception is vital and equal to one another and should be expressed freely for awareness.  When our own or other people’s perception cannot be fully understood through meditation it’s a guidance of two different paths of different direction levels.  

    I don’t have a state of heightened enlightenment, if I did I wouldn’t be on this planet, I’d be long gone!  For me its not enough to just believe in God, its to experience God.  Just as consciousness was created to experience every perception.
    When it’s time for you to leave your conscious world, you don’t leave, we do….

  24. Indigo'flow

     /  October 17, 2010

    Hi Verde,
    How marvelous!, you met little Batman’s rapport.  To be able to  reach rapport with an autistic child, is truly remarkable…. 

    By building rapport with another and to be aware of their hidden inner-self can only intensify spirituality.  To perceive  behavior, hatred, prejudice, anger etc,  and to be aware that’s it’s their suffering they are projecting and to meet them with true compassion, understanding to bring them to your level. Or to perceive someone showing true compassion and expression of love and to feel,  receive and project those emotions, is truly an amazing gift.   

  25. d2

     /  October 19, 2010

    Indigo’flow:

    Crippled by analytical precision, sorry for delay. I admire Einstein because he had the guts, brains, intuition, imagination and human spirit to ‘question.’ Here an abridgement.

    Out of 9 children, before her swan song, I did not make it in ‘time’ to say good-bye to my mother.

    Upon returning home, I decided I wanted to redefine time…all of it. I was not satisfied with it. It did not make sense. From my world, I could not rely on it; unfair; the whole concept was a sham. It hurt me. It was the giver and the taker. For a writing project, hence, I began my recreation of something that controls all aspects of existence, thus, the birth of my increased intrigue in Einstein. As you may know, the deeper we go to discover answers, the more questions we discover…perhaps belaboring perplexity. No inclinations towards the sciences, I was even more befuddled.

    Nonetheless, I formulated my own equation for, “My Theory of Reality.” For the past 5 yrs, it has evolved with its creator. With what I could grasp, I was able to achieve what I wanted. I deconstructed our state of consciousnesses and never stopped time. I reset clocks over and over again, if you will, under the same proven observations.

    And of course, there’s paradox in Einstein’s theories, i.e., past, present and future are simultaneous…more like mental images or memories of our physical existence. So then living things aren’t really moving because if we stand still, LIFE will go on, right? We would still age and exit the planet at some point in time. So it is more an issue of weight as you mentioned. And even though gravity is weak, the dynamics of the universe is dominated by it. Defying gravity means we’re (all elements) pulling on it…and we know the outcome…maybe.

  26. Verde

     /  October 19, 2010

    Indigo’flow:
    Does your intuition allow you to tap into my subconscious mind through my writing? Why have you opened up to me?

  27. Verde

     /  October 19, 2010

    @ Indigo’flow:
    I’m not living in some fool’s paradise, I was LATE…simple as that. I take full responsibility. I can’t blame it on anything. I guess that was my way of coping/healing…to create something to give myself a 2nd chance…even to save my mother’s life.
    Have a lovely day.
    —Verde

  28. Verde

     /  October 19, 2010

    I meant d2….I’m laughing….you got me!

  29. Indigo'flow

     /  October 19, 2010

    Hi Verde/d2,

    Two revelations in one week…. Lucky you….
      
    When you ask,….. why have I opened to you, I think you’re reflecting on my comment about being English and not being open to anyone… It was my little joke on being British, the stereotype we have of being snobby, having our thumb up our bum, (stuck up) would rather look at dog poop on the floor than make eye contact and say a Cheerio, with a stranger on the street. And not just the weather being wet and cold with it…. This is not me…..

    Your Einstein memory, image theory, you may have something… If past, present and future are simultaneous. They say that we can not change the past but I don’t think this is strictly true, and because our brain can not tell the difference between a real memory and an imagined one just as we can visualise the future into manifestation,  I think this also applies to the past… Just like the star that is so far away the light takes so long to reach us, it has already died before we see it.  The past becoming the future.  If we can manifest a pasted memory into a visualisation of our choosing maybe it changes the future past…. 
    Verde, Visualise seeing your mom on that day, see how you were in time to be with her, see yourself telling her how much you love her, how grateful you are for everything she has done for you.  Hold her and love her, give her comfort, tell her all the things you’ve always wanted to say…..

  30. Verde/d2

     /  October 19, 2010

    Hello Indigo’flow>>>

    From Verde/d2…if I were a scientist…I probably would exemplify the “Nutty Professor.” I can’t keep my own names straight…oops! Well that’s why God is God.

    Oh so I thought I was special…hmm, I guess I’m better than the dog poop…thank you for that…”Cheerio!”

    You said:

    “I don’t have a state of heightened enlightenment, if I did I wouldn’t be on this planet, I’d be long gone! For me its not enough to just believe in God, its to experience God.”
    —Of course, you’re experiencing God because you have the gifts to do so. You have practiced/practicing, you’re open to the light and has earned Grace…that’s all I meant Boo. I think you’re wonderful. If I believed in marriage…I would tell you to propose. (just kidding:^)

    Seriously, I will follow your advice and bring my mom to the present, vis-à-vis, if you will, to release those repressed feelings.

    Well Indigo’flow, I’m saying, “Good-bye” sweetheart…I have some pressing deadlines to meet. You are brilliant on many levels…my brain cells thank you and my heart is deeply touched by your heart, your praise and your insight…you allowed me to be me in Lisa Ray’s Yellow Diaries…I am becoming more and more complete. I love your Spirit.

    I’m blowing you bunches of xxxoooxxx, with unconditional love…did you get them? Check the stars tonight…

  31. Indigo'flow

     /  October 19, 2010

    Always be yourself Verde, you are beautiful…

  32. Verde/d2

     /  October 19, 2010

    (tear drops)…i needed that…people assume one knows that…people have very high expectations of me because i always give it my all and the bar is high…this is my life…
    thank you indigo’flow.

  33. Verde

     /  October 20, 2010

    For Indigo’flow…hope you’re still there…

    Since our yd volley, part of my brain has been processing overtime…logic deferred…what do you think about this comment made by Einstein?)

    “I have repeatedly said that in my opinion the idea of a personal God is a childlike one. You may call me an agnostic, but I do not share the crusading spirit of the professional atheist whose fervor is mostly due to a painful act of liberation from the fetters of religious indoctrination received in youth. I prefer an attitude of humility corresponding to the weakness of our intellectual understanding of nature and of our own being.”

    P.S. If you’d like, you can use: einsteinsaidwhat@gmail

  34. Indigo'flow

     /  October 23, 2010

    Hi Verde,
     When you joke and ask about marriage, and you would tell me to propose…. Are you male or female? I assumed you were female, hummm, you are aware I’m female aren’t you? And  to my knowledge it isn’t legal for same sex marriages in the USA…. It is over here  though, come to England we’ll welcome you with open arms….
    I stumbled onto this blog through Plan Canada, Because I’m a Girl.  Freeing suppression especially female suppression, is a cause deep in my heart, as The Dalai Lama said– “The World Will Be Saved By the Western woman” and I believe The World Will Be Saved By the Western woman, by awakening the Eastern child.

  35. Verde

     /  October 23, 2010

    Indigo’flow…listen:
    I cannot stop laughing…that’s why one shouldn’t joke…I’m a strong black woman, who can be flirtatious, in between reformulating my equation for my theory of reality…wasn’t sure of your gender…in the moment…it was sheer flattery…I apologize; a bad habit, I shouldn’t tease; and you! stop being so analytical…not sure where gay marriage is legal in the world…not for me, but I believe 2 consenting adults should marry if that’s what makes them happy. This week a gay male friend was offended because I didn’t know about h8…homophobic bullying…so many causes to fight, I can’t keep up with everything, I just want the planet to be a happier place…that’s where “The Western Woman” comes in…back to Einstein please!

  36. Verde

     /  October 23, 2010

    How I was blessed to find Lisa Ray’s ever touching and sensitively raw “The Yellow Diaries”

    After my dear friend, neighbor & mentor, Dr. Dorothy Height, 98, died in April 2010, I explored the depths of my own life’s purpose. And might I add, she WENT to work until age 98. She was President Emerita of the National Council of Negro Women and a global pioneer, Dr. Height lived a full life of service for social and humane causes…an empowered spirit.

    Like Plan Canada’s, “Because I am a Girl,” NCMW continues to brave the fight for equality on behalf of all women. After suggested by Netflix one of Lisa’s films, curious about the writer, I discovered Shamim Sarif. I am a proponent for women/girls speaking their minds, living their passions and making a positive difference. At the time, looking for a cause that needed attention & more support, Multiple Myeloma found me…thus, my favorite (only) electronic journal and blog called, “The Yellow Diaries.”

  37. This is such an inspiring post. Congratulations! Wishing you all the very best for your book.

  38. Peggy

     /  October 25, 2010

    Hi Lisa I’ve written sometimes that caught my attention about your illness, and really amazing to see how a woman like you wake up each day showing through different media and your ability to fight this disease and I hope that do not give up, because many women who suffer from this terrible disease in any part of your body. And others who fight for not allowing him to develop, but as I mentioned in an opportunity (maybe, no, not really dress or not) is the daily life of awakening and mentally and get ready for a new struggle with a new strategy to win the war end and exit gracefully. I wish you well and hope not to see or know by any means decaistes or worse, that God’s will and the strength to continue until the end. You will be greatly admires. Peggy

  39. Indigo'flow

     /  October 25, 2010

    Stem cell research has come along way in the last year or two.  A change was needed, heads of state and religion both suppressed the embryonic stem cell research, which has lead to adult stem cell realisation…
    Thanks to new heads of state and profound campaigners like Lisa a new insight into adult stem cells has evolved… Where new information has materialised in just how miraculous these stem cells really are. 
    Embryonic stem cells can become all cell types of the body because they are pluripotent. Adult stem cells are thought to be limited to differentiating into different cell types of their tissue of origin.  Adult stem cells may not be able to replace embryonic stem cells in all forms of research right now, so we need a diversity in funding, we need a diversity in approaches. We need to explore both embryonic and adult stem cells to have the best chances to finding new treatments. Not just for all types of cancer but all suffering of debilitating illness conditions. We need heads of state and religion to free suppression so there’s the ability to achieve, DISCOVERY TO ALL CURES…..  

  40. Ophélia

     /  October 26, 2010

    Glad to know you’re okay and full of projects

    Take care, Lots of love from France

  41. maureen

     /  October 26, 2010

    sorry lisa,
    took a holiday after flying off with sheetal, following the benefit screenings. great and magical time had by all who came to see the films. i am sure your legions grew here in alaska. and we’re thinking of you.
    best,
    maureen

  42. Dionne

     /  October 29, 2010

    14th Annual Multiple Myeloma Research Foundation Fall Gala

    Location: Hyatt Regency Greenwich in Greenwich, Connecticut (U.S.)
    Time: 6:00 PM Saturday, October 30th

    Can’t make it? If you only have $1.00 to give or equivalent to wherever you are in the world, the thought behind it is priceless. Thank you for your support.

    Go to: mmrf org

  43. Verde

     /  October 29, 2010

    For>>>Indigo’flow::: the last time we chatted I was defending myself, which was not necessary…very silly in fact. I’ve only come close to marrying once, and in retrospect, thank God I didn’t go through with it. Like Oprah, I don’t need a contract to commit to love…the proof is in the pudding. I’ll be 45 in nearly 45 days, relating to this issue, the older the wiser, so expectations increase and so does impatience.

    I took your advice and talked to my mom…things I didn’t say before she exited. There were a lot of tears and much sadness. Jane Fonda said on Oprah the other day, “My mom didn’t know how to show up.” I completely identified. My mom had 9 different spirits to nurture and my mom was not a nurturer by nature. However, she was astute and witty, made her magnetic. One of the biggest things we must see and accept about our parents is their vulnerability and humanness. Moms are like superheroes though. First of all there is some innate level of consciousness that you once lived inside that person. And as you grow, she protects and takes care of you the best way she knows how. Anyway, I wanted to let you know it was freeing and healing…plenty of good for me has come from her death.

    Thank you…wanted to share a bit and wanted you to know I heard your assignment and completed it…I’m a little delayed pupil-take forever to process…my mind database overload and “access denied.”

    Sending xxx and unconditional love…not tryin’ to jump the broom:^) Thanks Boo.

  44. Verde

     /  October 30, 2010

    And as an adult, with better understanding and a greater love, I ask myself, “Who nurtured my mother?” And yes, she was the matriarch and we ALL adored her. I have the utmost respect for Jane Fonda so I will share another bit from her. Jane was 12 when her mom committed suicide. When she later read her mom’s medical records, her mom had been sexually abused. Statistics show today, 1 out of 3 women are. A ‘ding’ went off in my head, and I wondered had this happened to my mom. Or any form of abuse because from experience, verbal abuse causes shame and feelings of worthlessness. She was soooo private about the past/childhood, etc. She gave birth to me at age 38 and as a kid, I remember “sensing” soooo much pain in her. Kid-adult entered, my ‘unconscious’ attempt to ease her pain. Hmm…Indigo’flow, you might have to give me a diploma:^) Gracias…
    Writing unravels…

  45. Verde

     /  October 30, 2010

    Oopsy! mom was 37 @ me time of release into the world…going to a book signing this afternoon and will help raise some awareness to MM and need for more stem cell research.

  46. Gueguesh

     /  November 2, 2010

    You are beaituful person! I can’t stop write about you, about your soul.

  47. Dionne

     /  November 2, 2010

    I write/journal in Lisa’s yellow diaries because I don’t feel alone here. Her provocative spirit, like a sacred scroll, holds my hand through an undaunted transformation.

  48. Verde

     /  November 2, 2010

    The subconscious sense can be a scary world because pain is a parasite…I’ve had enough for awhile…need some time…smaller doses.

  49. Raja

     /  November 3, 2010

    Hi Lisa,

    There are many fighters and survivors like us, good luck for your remission . I completed my treatment on 21.Aug.2010 and under going maintenance treatment.

    Raja.

  50. Hi my world, I’m living.

    Nowadays the Earth is small, very small and I can talk with India or Canada, for example, spite of my country Georgia is far from both country. Now, it cold here, November is wearing own yellow jacket and grinning broadly with me, despite of that smiling, we are sad. Although we are optimists, deeply optimists. Our faith is vast. I believe, as Dostoevsky said: beauty save the world.

    Hi my world, when I’ve inspired in my life. Despite I am so triste, so sad at the moment.
    Hi world, which is one home for whole humanity, where don’t must be illness, pain, upset.. where don’t must be death… may be death is very relative notion, as life… both are two side of essence of the human being. But life is beautiful.

    Hi my world, I was born as human. Don’t worry about my sensitive words, simply, I’m feeling pain and happy of the humans, who are alike me. They live, they are happy, they are glad, they are upset, the are sad, melancholy…

    Hi my world, you aren’t one in the universe

    Hi and I’ll see you again.

    2010, 4 November.

    Tbilisi, Georgia

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