Lisa Ray

The Yellow Diaries

MM Memos and Gangajal

I’m back from Rishikesh.

The holy city of hindus. Located in the foothills of the majestic Himalayas.

Ganga darshan.

A glimpse beyond the bag of bones.

Spiritual theatre

Passed many shaven pilgrims. I have a new vision of myself now. In this city of mystics, mendicants and seekers, my tonsured head blends in.

My dad and I sat by the side of the Ganges and dipped our fingers in the sacred river. He placed his hand on the crown of my head, leaving droplets in my pilgrim fuzz. We watched the faithful immerse themselves. Flashes of flesh, fabric flung away, a human ache meets the waters.

The waters cleanse it all away.

It is said.

More on the gathering place of the Rishis later…

On the B side, Cooking with Stella will be releasing in Canada soon.

Remember vinyl records? There was an A side and a B side.

India right now feels like the A side of my life.

A message from Dusty in Dilip Mehta’s office:

The Indian Film Festival of Las Angeles has invited Cooking with Stella to be a Gala presentation during their festival (April 20-24).

The festival would like the Gala presentation to also be a benefit screening to help raise awareness and support for the Myeloma Research Centre in California ( ).

Another yellow memo:

We are very interested in educating Ms. Ray about the Institute for Myeloma and Bone Cancer Research in Los Angeles, California. Our offices, located near Beverly Hills on Sunset near Doheny house a comprehensive oncology clinic and state-of-the-art research laboratory.  Our CEO and Founder, Dr. James R. Berenson is one of the leading physician/researchers in the field and has created many of the novel therapeutic drug compounds used by myeloma patients world-wide.  The Institute works with most of the world’s largest pharmaceutical companies on testing and designing new myeloma drug therapies.  Dr. Berenson is an international speaker on the subject and has published over 700 professional papers on the diagnosis, treatment and potential cure for myeloma.  More information on Dr. Berenson can be found at
The news of Ms. Ray’s continued improvement is certainly encouraging, and I understand that she’s currently seeing treatment at Juravinski Cancer Centre in Hamilton, ONT and not Los Angeles.  I know that Dannielle and Brinda are located in Los Angeles, not far from our lab and offices.  If Ms. Ray is ever in the Los Angeles area, we would delight in giving her a tour of our impressive facility, introduce her to Dr. Berenson (sought by myeloma patients world-wide for his second-opinion consults) and maybe… get her autograph!  We are big fans!
If Ms. Ray could kindly “link” our website, on her blog– we would certainly appreciate the exposure.  If you or Ms. Ray have any questions, or would like to speak with Dr. Berenson regarding Ms. Ray’s treatment – please do not hesitate to contact me to arrange a consult.
We look forward to your response,
Cheryl A. Cross, MPH
Institute for Myeloma and Bone Cancer Research
310-406-1035 direct
866-900-1035 toll free

And here’s a must-read article about MMRF Founder and CEO Kathy Giusti. The article discusses in Kathy’s own words, her experience living with Multiple Myeloma, her advice for patients and families living with a diagnosis and describes the instrumental role Kathy’s pharmaceutical and business background has played in the MMRF’s success in advancing the next generation of treatment.

Kathy was diagnosed at 37, just like myself.

She is a Yellow Warrior. And my special Guru. I called Kathy a few months before, in the middle of a watery moment during chemo. As the liquid burned through my veins my mind turned to crisis.

And then Kathy was on the line. She somehow placed her hand on my brow, from a distance.

And I felt calm.

Just as I had sitting at dusk today, by the river with my father.

Sometimes the world is so beautiful and so fierce I can feel my heart tear.

I would like to be around for some time more.

Bobcat just had knee surgery. With my seeking on the ‘A side’, and Bobcat healing ‘B side’, we maintain a strange symmetry. Still, I wish I was close.

And a message from Rahulji in Goa:

Please come back soon. No one does handstands on the beach with me anymore!!

And Tishani is finishing all the ganaches before we get to them…

ah yes. I haven’t written on Goa yet because I’m trying to formulate a way to do it without reference to exact location. My friends are adamant of protecting the privacy of their favourite resort.

Time is coming to flow down from a higher place to sea.

Like the sacred river.

Leave one

2,012 Responses

  1. < ![CDATA[Best wishes from far far away to you!]]>

  2. < ![CDATA[Generous...


    Peace! Love! Light! Yellow!



  3. < ![CDATA[ya Best Wishes from far far away too.... take care my dear Angel.True,world is so beautiful and so fierce ,hang in there...]]>

  4. < ![CDATA[The Journey
    ~ Mary Oliver

    One day you finally knew
    what you had to do, and began,
    though the voices around you
    kept shouting
    their bad advice--
    though the whole house
    began to tremble
    and you felt the old tug
    at your ankles.
    "Mend my life!"
    each voice cried.
    But you didn't stop.
    You knew what you had to do,
    though the wind pried
    with its stiff fingers
    at the very foundations,
    though their melancholy
    was terrible.
    It was already late
    enough, and a wild night,
    and the road full of fallen
    branches and stones.
    But little by little,
    as you left their voices behind,
    the stars began to burn
    through the sheets of clouds,
    and there was a new voice
    which you slowly
    recognized as your own,
    that kept you company
    as you strode deeper and deeper
    into the world,
    determined to do
    the only thing you could do--
    determined to save
    the only life you could save.

    Peace & Blessings,

  5. < ![CDATA[:)..............a lot of smiles and good energy ms Ray]]>

  6. < ![CDATA[It's 01.56 and my energy level just boosted up.
    Thank you for sharing your stories and don't worry, I'm sure you'll be around for a quite a while.

    Sweet dreams... =)]]>

  7. < ![CDATA[Dear Lisa,

    Best wishes for you...Keep njoyin ur trip!!]]>

  8. < ![CDATA[Hello Beautiful,

    Thanks for linking the Myeloma Research Centre in California, we need you here in the nice sunny California... :) Very exciting news.

    more pics, please!]]>

  9. < ![CDATA[Dear Lisa,

    Nice pics, reminds me of "Water." .......something something about treatment and we want autographs! LOL. That was cute.

    We love you Lisa!!!

    Kareen and Putty Cat]]>

  10. < ![CDATA[Venezuela 13/03/2010, 8:55pm. Hi Ms Ray, I'm glad again to read about your new expiriences and feelings...there is some amazing places in this world that we dont apreciated, our earth is bless.Here in my state (trujillo) we have an special place where so many people around the world come to pray and hope to get better, this place is named Isnotu...we believe in Dr jose Gregorio Hernandez...on monday i will send you some information...
    Good night, have a sweet dream. Hugs.]]>

  11. < ![CDATA[Venezuela, 13/03/2010, 9:05pm. :-) :-) :-)]]>

  12. < ![CDATA[Venezuela, 13/03/2010, 9:05pm. :-) :-) :-)]]>

  13. < ![CDATA[That place looks so tranquil. I bet it is good for the mind. Thanks for the positivity Lisa - your words clear my mind in so many ways]]>

  14. < ![CDATA[Hey Lisa,

    Life is all about learning! I wish you the best as you continue on your journey.



  15. < ![CDATA[Venezuela, 13/03/2010, 9:30pm, :-) :-) :-)]]>

  16. < ![CDATA[Habibiti,

    Thank you very much for your new post.

    I readed about Rishikesh. Mistical place... :)

    Anything that helps you in your recovery can be considered magic... Don't you think? :) :)

    Enjoy your time.

    And continues to write whenever you want. Especially for you.

    Be perfect? Life would be boring. What we dedicate if we already had everything under control? Mmmm.....

    If we were perfect, the effort and example words disappears...

    Best wishes,

    Ximena. :)

    FFF!!! I think you used this words very well!! :) :)]]>

  17. < ![CDATA[Oh!!!

    Best wishes for Bobcat too!!!! :)

    He is wonderful...

    Greetings to him. :)

    Ximena. :)]]>

  18. < ![CDATA[Hi Lisa]]>

  19. < ![CDATA[Keep on Truckin...and if you have time read Michael Ondaatje's book Anil's favourite book of all time!]]>

  20. < ![CDATA[Just a bag of bones is what I thought, when my mom was being creamated. This earth is it, we live and perish here, just biodegradable matter and thats what we are doc.

    You have a wonderful father. And of course you are gonna be here for a lot more time. Its a pleasure reading your stuff so often these days. tc]]>

  21. < ![CDATA[your strength is unbelievable. i admire your courage in your journey and hope to meet you someday...]]>

  22. < ![CDATA[Hi Lisa,
    welcome back, you were missed. I wish you best of luck on your newbirth journey. I have read most of the self help books you mentioned and these books are just the beginning of this new insight to life. The hardest and longest part is standing still with your own reflection and shadow. Time is on your side and this is your journey to enjoy and teach your findings. You will fullfil your purpose as the universe meant for you to do.
    Lots of respect coming your way.]]>

  23. < ![CDATA[Dear Lisa,

    Follow the moment, one of the messages I got from your writings, maybe because, who knows, it is better to go through life to do something you want to do, the immense of strength resurrected along the way. Thank you for embracing us to join in your personal journey, to view the world unseen through your silvery green eyes and beautiful mind, the scale of universe.

    Peace n love

  24. < ![CDATA[Thanx a lot for the local link. I have directed friends to this site for MM links but having a Beverly Hills contact Institute is excellent for my hood villagers! Love, wan.]]>

  25. < ![CDATA[Lisa,

    Confidence is not a feeling but just a positive state of mind..]]>

  26. < ![CDATA[It's awesome that you are back! I enjoy reading what you have to say and learn from it. You are an awesome person and you continue to touch people lives. I continue to pray for you to beat this 110%. Continue thinking positive as it will keep putting smiles on your face and laugher.

    Can't wait to hear from you again and again you are an AWESOME person especially at heart!]]>

  27. < ![CDATA[Dear Lisa
    My heart and you pray together with pray for heavenly blessing~我的心和妳一起祈禱與祝福.
    ~ ^ ^]]>

  28. < ![CDATA[You'll always be here with us no matter what! :)
    FIGHT ON BABE :)]]>

  29. < ![CDATA["Sometimes the world is so beautiful and so fierce I can feel my heart tear.
    I would like to be around for some time more."

    yeah.. I wish for that too...]]>

  30. < ![CDATA[Big love Lisa, big love! Always inspiring and leaves me awestruck.


  31. < ![CDATA[Hola Chica!

    Wow! You have no idea how happy I got when my friend Wan called me to tell me you posted. I jumped into the computer right away. I must say that this news just makes my day, week, month, and even year. This is amazing news, I am on cloud 9 and I love it!

    I can't believe it, someone up there just loves me. Like Lucy Lawless says, from your mouth to God's ears. I guess my prayers were heard. Funny how 2 days ago I posted about looking forward to seeing Cooking with Stella and you posted this. It would be really unbelievable to have you here in LA. What else can you ask for?: Have a great doctor's invitation, be at the Gala premier of Cooking with Stella and the best part, have fun in the sun. You can also have a great time at night. ;-)

    Anyway, I really hope you can visit sunny Los Angeles and can also be singing the song "I Love LA". It would be a dream come true for all the fans in LA (especially me, what can I say, I am not usually selfish, but this is a once in a lifetime thing). You will see how much your LA fans and everyone else in the surrounding areas will come to see you and support the cause. Bring Lisa and they will come...

    Xena (Your Ecuadorian fan in Eagle Rock, CA, USA)]]>

  32. < ![CDATA[Thank your for all you say, since I read your blog, I've regained my desire to conrinue fightig.
    I am passionate abput India, I also dip their fingers in the water of the Ganges. I have wanted to continue living.
    I am your sister in the figh against cancer, I sure we will overcome it.
    A million sweet kisses from Barcelona (Spain)]]>






    KISSES !

    HUGS !


    FROM MEXICO !]]>

  34. < ![CDATA[always a joy and a sadness in reading you! God bless you!]]>

  35. < ![CDATA[Dear Lisa,
    After looking at your diary, i am so disconsolate, i don't know why.
    Just hope you will really happy everyday!
    i can just know you according your diary, i don't feel enough. A beautiful women with sensitive feeling, sitting beside the river, looking at people around her, without talking. People have different side in their life, and i wish you could enjoy everything around you because we'll beside you and love you forever!
    when you feel sad, just remenber there is someone who never stop loveing you!

    maybe i can't express me well in English, just hope you can understand what i want to say!

    hope you happy!!!]]>

  36. < ![CDATA[美丽 智慧 才情 乐观 幸福!]]>

  37. < ![CDATA[Lisa just read your recent blog, really I don't believe I can call it that. No justice in "Truth" The words you express are unforgetable. I am from Canada, hope you are not leaving for good! Another reason for getting back to you is a "Screen Saver from India" I will not have the chance to see it in my lifetime, so would be nice to see it from your perspective!
    Hope you are doing well......I wish I could take care of you during this time, hope you are not alone! The wig bearers are ready for your shoot.....screw the hair and the are a sacred vessel right now, Take the "Yellow Babies" and get better, I have prayed for them. Take care of your self, much love LAW:)]]>

  38. < ![CDATA[Lisaraniray, Lisa, Lisita,Talita, Habibti, Beatiful Princess:

    buenos dìas corazón….

    que gustoo! que nos escribiste de nuevo muchas gracias por compartir tus momentos con nosotros,..

    Es muy interesante la cultura de la India, bellisimos paisajes,..los ultimos días he conocido mas del lugar donde te encuentras,...tambien de Mahatma Gandhi y la Madre Teresa de Calcuta,....
    bendito internet que hace posible que aparte de que nos comuniquemos podamos compartir experiencias e información para que juntos encontremos una solución a la cura de MM,...

    "all together we got the energy to push for a cure for MM "

    Lisita: bendito el día en que te conocí.

    bella muy bella que eres... no solamente en tu fisico, sino tambien en tu personalidad y tu alma...

    No me canso en decirte una y otra vez,...
    Lisa: Te quiero,....te quiero con todo mi corazón
    y aunque un medio mundo nos separa de distancia, siempre estaré contigo,... así como Kathy,...

    "She somehow placed her hand on my brow, from a distance."

    "And I felt calm."

    Sí sientete tranquila, Todo va a estar bien de aquí en adelante,... Dios estara contigo en cada momento,...

    Sonríe siempre mi Amor.]]>

  39. < ![CDATA[heart ... good morning.

    that gustoo! write us again thank you very much for sharing your time with us ..

    Interestingly the Indian culture, beautiful landscapes, the last few days .. I've met most of where you are, ... also from Mahatma Gandhi and Mother Teresa of Calcutta ....
    blessed internet that allows us to communicate besides we can share experiences and information so that together we find a solution to a cure for MM, ...

    "All together we got the energy to push for a cure for MM"

    Lisita, blessed the day I met you.

    very beautiful you are beautiful ... not just your physical but also your personality and your soul ...

    I never tire of telling you again and again ...
    Lisa: I love you .... I love you with all my heart
    and though the world half distance between us and always will be with you ... and Kathy ...

    "She somehow Placed her hand on my brow, from a distance."

    "And I felt calm."

    Yes YOURSELF quiet, all will be fine from now on ... God is with you every moment ...

    Always smile my love]]>

  40. < ![CDATA[My dear Lisa,

    Starting my Sunday with your new's amazing. I am glad that you are back again and continue to share your thoughts with us.
    The calmness and peace are pouring form your words.
    You are blessed being able to stay at such a sacred place with your beloved father.
    The tranquilty is the most important for you these period of your life and we all understood why you did not post earlier.
    I am sure that after a while your A and B side will be unite again, but it is sure that your recovery procedure and healing of your soul must be on the A side now.

    Rememeber last year I sent a quote to you about travelling which you put in your blog "Mane Tamer" is more than true these days:

    "Certainly travel is more than seeing of sights. It is a change that goes on, deep and permanent, in the ideas of living"

    Enjoy your time in your sacred country where you have deep roots and come back when you feel it's the right time to return!

    I am sending my best wishes to your Bobcat, too...hopefully you two can be together again SOON!

    With heartfelt hugs

    Kati from Hungary]]>

  41. < ![CDATA[Dearest Lisa,

    For some reason, I deeply feel the spiritual journey you are going through in your pilgrimage to such a Holy place in Rishikesh and being around the divinity of nature there in Landour.

    I guess it’s because I myself is aching to get away from where I am now to shed away my restlessness…

    I practice Marcel Proust advice about seeking new landscape with new eyes but sometimes its best to leave a familiar place and find a new side of our self in different horizons.

    My Heart leaps in joy when you mentioned that you have a new vision of yourself… it must be such a high and mystical moment for you…

    I rejoice knowing that for you have been through the best of dark and light in the last couple of months… and I Believe that things are coming into Full Circle for you.

    I read somewhere that “Water is infinitely full of Life”…

    … and for me, Water is a tangible intangible thing. We can hold it but not thoroughly grip it… maybe that’s a metaphor for our Life… and we just have to flow with it wherever it will take us…

    In your case, you are flowing from a ‘high place’ and streaming onto new wonderful chapters in your Life.

    I have always admired the poetry in your writing… ever since actually, and now more so…

    Thank you for describing the searing beauty of Life, I truly felt what you meant when you wrote this:

    “Sometimes the world is so beautiful and so fierce I can feel my heart tear.”

    With that, new melodies break forth from my heart and it brings a solemn throb in my innermost soul.

    For many of us here, You are a Kindred Spirit… one whom we can truly relate to... for you take us in your journey openly and you shift our eyes to a new perspective.

    If I may add as well, I am touched to know that your Dad is there with you in such a soulful experience…

    I think it is very befitting… to acknowledged the challenges you both have gone through as a family, give deep Gratitude and cleansed your souls for a new birth… a new lease in Life.

    My respectful salutation and my deepest admiration,


    Please do consider my suggestion about your blog… it might help… Thank you.]]>

  42. < ![CDATA[Lisa
    Thanks for sharing with me the journey your soul is taking. I must admit that i know nothing about India and when you write about it..brings me closer to what you see and feel.

    I am in a mission to learn about India and their traditions.

    Let me tell remind you that you are an amazing human being and that you are not alone. I totally understand that you have your friends and i hope that in the future we can be friends too.

    You are always in my mind and in my prayers.
    Keep fighting and don't forget that the world loves you.

    Keep writing Lisa...

    Believe it or not... The world cares.

    Love you

  43. < ![CDATA[Lisa
    Thanks for sharing with me the journey your soul is taking. I must admit that i know nothing about India and when you write about it..brings me closer to what you see and feel.

    I am in a mission to learn about India and their traditions.

    Let me remind you that you are an amazing human being and that you are not alone. I totally understand that you have your friends and i hope that in the future we can be friends too.

    You are always in my mind and in my prayers.
    Keep fighting and don't forget that the world loves you.

    Keep writing Lisa...

    Believe it or not... The world cares.

    Love you

  44. < ![CDATA[and i would like to speak with Dr. Berenson regarding Ms. Ray’s ...and i have somserious health problems ... can not say on the blog. but I can only say that I changed into a treatment and I do not feel well ... Lisa I'm glad you involved in many charity..
    Really iwhis to speack with him...pleas help me ......]]>

  45. < ![CDATA[Always a pleasure to read your post.

    Thanks for sharing.


  46. < ![CDATA[Hi Lisa;

    Dr. Berenson exudes competence and commitment to curing MM. I've met him. He spoke to our support group in Portland, OR, which is also his hometown. I wrote about his visit at

    Thank you for including us all with your pilgrimage to India.>

  47. < ![CDATA[hi, i hope your doin' ok... i just watched i cant think straight, and i was fascinated with tala's character, but i am much more fascinated with the actress behind her, she seem so free spirited, deep deep personality, i just have this feeling that shes a very beautiful, wonderful and a very special human being...

    i hope to see more of your films...

    hugs and kisses.. god bless always.......]]>

  48. < ![CDATA[This Yellow Rainbow is for you, Lisa.

    All shades of yellow in you
    And that is probably the clue
    To your unending optimism
    And overwhelming magnetism.

    Unfailing charm and doe grace,
    A strong will and gentle face -
    They sparkled out of the blue
    A yellow rainbow in you.

    A tender might your eyes reveal,
    The pain felt your smiles conceal.
    Can't reach a distant yellow star,
    But may be you are not that far?

    Gold yellow candle in the dark
    Illuminates a run of luck,
    Like beacon in the raging sea.
    Don't worry, sail free.

    Keep up your journey safe and calm,
    Feel steady wheel beneath your palm.
    What's helping start your life anew -
    All shades of yellow in you.]]>

  49. < ![CDATA[Hmmmm Lisa,

    don't know whether my comments will be skipped or not
    but just felt like writing to are half Bengali right?
    may be that was something stupid that i just said
    moreover i doubt you will understand it or not
    its in bengali.
    well i am very bad at expressing myself through words
    so no idea what i am writing.
    you have a lot of fans writing to you everyday
    so nothing's gonna make mine thoughtful....again
    said something stupid i know...
    all i want to say is please get well soon.and you will
    i know.and one more thing..we both are Rays...again stupid right?yeh..thats all for now..lastly,you are a great actor,and keep it up..and you are simply great.

  50. < ![CDATA[Venezuela, 14/03/2010, 7:52 am.
    Dear Ms Ray, how are you doing today.... Beautiful day in my city, very warm.. I have some plans today wich includes you, i am going to visit isnotu's church, tomorrow i will send you some information about it. Take care, enjoy your sunday.. Hugs]]>

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